The Birds and the Bees

Dear Adam,

I am sure you remember it better than I do, it was almost 2 years younger than you are today. It was a pivoting point in your pubescent life.  

A classmate approached me and asked me  “Do you know where babies come from?”

“Yes” I uttered with certainty “…from their mommy’s belly”

“Yeah –  but do you know how the hell you get into your mommy’s belly?”

I  paused, “Um… I think when they kiss they make a baby” I flush like a ripe tomato. How am I supposed to answer such on the spot questions, I was still playing with my Ninja Turtles back then!

“Hahahahah, you are such a kid Adam… to get a baby the man puts his penis in the vagina”

I couldn’t believe what I had just heard; I know it is horrible being the youngest in class. It is horrible, when everyone discovered the truth about the tooth fairy and Santa Claus first and you’re still a firm believer. It was impossible to grasp, your father’s penis goes into your mother’s vagina EWWWWW. I couldn’t wait to get home to put this lie to rest.

“Mom, where do babies come from?” It was her turn to blush…“Ask your father, Adam” I grumbled, I knew something was fishy, I have had my mother memorized, and she was certainly hiding something. Why would she wait till we got home? She only did that when my brother and I were in trouble, I felt in trouble just asking the question.

“Dad, where do babies come from?” He sat me down and we had that man to man talk. “Well Adam, when a man and a women love each other, and decide they want to start a family they get married and –”

“But some guys at school said that the man puts his… thing into the women’s va –… thing. Is that true??”

“Yes it is true, but it happens out of love and that is a part of nature, it’s how things move forward, all animals do it, even the birds and the bees” excuse the irony. “You will understand a bit more when you are a little older”

“But why?” Oh, I had so many whys and buts and what ifs. An hour passed and I kept on asking questions. I loved that my father sat me down and explained things like an adult but this took me off guard. “You can’t talk about this stuff in front of your brother and sister; they are younger than you are.”

“Fine…” I walk off to my room, I pass my mother’s room and see her reading on the bed, she stares up at me and knows the conversation with my father must be over, I continue off to my room and hear her scurry over to the living room to find out “how it went” with Dad.. I lay on my bed and I stare at the ceiling, my world just broke a little. I couldn't imagine myself putting my penis in a girls vagina.

Adam.