Hate

Dear “Anonymous”,

Hate is a powerful word. It’s filled with venom, spite, and self pity. I do not address everyone in this letter; I address that one gay boy, out of the 97 people that read the previous post; whom I know looks at himself everyday and hates the demon that stares back. He calls it demon, I call it gay.

I just cannot fathom the depth of hatred that one expels on a daily basis. Or even more worrisome, is the vile amount that piles on inside of you. It consumes you, day in and day out, and you can never run away from yourself. Food for thought: smile and be productive, be happy, be constructive, be uplifting because your mark on this earth is measured. Do not belittle people to feel superior, you will go nowhere with tormenting others/yourself.

I am not saying I am perfect for being ‘Out’ nor do I think every man should be. But I strongly believe if you are given the chance to do something with your life,  then do it. Do not cower behind your skinny shadow, because we all know that everyone is watching. Do you feel envious because I was able to do it and you are not? Admire my bravery.

 I am here to articulate my thoughts, just like you express yourself to the world. I have had a lot worse threats in my life; I will tell you more of one in a future post. I apologize in advance for not quitting. I live these threats all the time, the difference between you and I, is that I choose to make something out of it. I shape things around me, and you let life consume you. I reiterate that I am not perfect, but it is obvious that we are beyond different levels, so where the hell do you stand?

Just like Ohmyhappiness was an anonymous blog for some time I choose Adam to be my project. You are not obliged to read something you do not like. There are plenty of other better blogs out there that might satisfy your unquenchable thirst to hate.  I love myself and you can do nothing to change who I am. It is sad that not only do I have to prove myself to the straight community but I have to prove myself to the self-hating homosexuals!

You call me spoiled. My father toiled for 35 years to be labeled “well off”. I do not ask anything of him, I work just like you do every day. I toil just like you, nothing is handed to me. I believe what you misconceived as spoiled is veiled love -- something you evidently lack from society. Are you telling me that if you were loved by your parents, for whom you truly are, and had a stable normal relationship, that you would have the same time and attitude to tear yourself down on a continuous basis? If it helps, I love you… I love you because you do not have the capacity to love yourself.

Adam.

First Contact

Dear Adam

      You will be much happier in 2013 than you are now in 2000.  I am happy just talking to you, to tell you of all the adventures you are going to have discovering yourself. You will pass through being straight, then gay, then straight, then bi again but you will come to terms with your homosexuality. Time heals sorrowed hearts; do not weigh heavy on yours. I will recount to you the many stories you will go through, maybe it will help you Adam. It might help you get out of your bubble of misery that you have suffocated within.

      You will come out to the first person in 2009,  you will be in your junior year at university and tell your cousin. You have kept it in for so long, it’s shocking. She will take it surprisingly well, you will feel heavy the moments before you utter the words “I am gay” or as you will put it “I think I am gay”. You will be lost, and a million thoughts will cross your mind, but remain steadfast. She will hug you with all her might and ask you: “Are you sure? What about your girlfriend?” You will lie at first! But try not to lie while coming out; being honest with others will be a lot easier than being with you. She will say “Where will the world be without its twists and turns and your uniqueness!”

      Her words will linger for many more years to come, was the message hers or was it a message from the universe, God, or Buddha to start coming out? Either way it will be a driving force that will push you to tell 50 more people after her. You will tell your parents, your brother, your sister and all your straight friends. It will be an exhilarating feeling, a feeling that you could get high on.  Do it Adam! You do not realize how much telling people will change your life, how much it will change theirs and how much it will change society’s view on homosexuality. If all the gays in Lebanon came out to at least 50 people, I think it would make the world a lot more tolerable. Here’s to hoping. 

Love,

You